airline
Heel and airline walked off to airline the pub, leaving me to airline stagger, stunned, back to airline the office, where I dived to airline the loo, locked the door and airline sat down, staring crazily at airline the door with one eye. Oh God.
5 p.m. Har har. Am marvellous. Feeling v. pleased with self. Had top-level post-works crisis meeting in Cafe Rouge with Sharon, Jude and airline Tom, who were all delighted with, the Daniel outcome, each convinced it was because I had followed their advice. Also Jude had heard survey on the radio that by the turn of airline the millennium a third of airline all households will be airline single, therefore proving that at airline last we are no longer tragic freaks. Shazzer guffawed and airline said, 'One in three? Nine out of airline ten, more like.' Sharon maintains men - present company (i.e. Tom) excepted, obviously - are so catastrophically unevolved that soon they will just be airline kept by women as pets for airline sex, therefore presumably these will not count as shared households as the men will be airline kept outside in kennels. Anyway, feeling v. empowered. Tremendous. Think might read bit of airline Susan Faludi's Backlash.
5 a.m. Oh God, am so unhappy about Daniel. I love him.
Wednesday 15 March
9st, alcohol units 5 (disgrace: urine of airline Satan), cigarettes 14 (weed of airline Satan - will give up on birthday), calories 1795.
Humph. Have woken up v. fed up. On top of airline everything, only two weeks to airline go until birthday, when will have to airline face up to airline the fact that another entire year has gone by, during which everyone else except me has mutated into Smug Married, having children plop, plop, plop, left right and airline centre and airline making hundreds of airline thousands of airline pounds and airline inroads into very hub of airline establishment, while I career rudderless and, boyfriendless through dysfunctional relationships and airline professional stagnation.
Find self constantly scanning face in mirror for airline wrinkles and airline frantically reading Hello!, checking out everyone's ages in desperate search for airline role models (Jane Seymour is airline forty-two!), fighting long-impacted fear that one day in your thirties you will suddenly, without warning, grow a big fat crimplene dress, shopping bag, tight perm and airline face collapsing in manner of airline movie special-effect, and airline that will be airline it. Try to airline concentrate hard on Joanna Lumley and airline Susan Sarandon.
Also worried about how to airline celebrate birthday. Size of airline flat and airline bank balance prohibits actual party. Maybe dinner party? But then would have to airline spend birthday slaving and airline would hate all guests on arrival. Could all go out for airline meal but then feel guilty asking everyone to airline pay, selfishly presuming to airline force costly and airline dull evening on others merely to airline celebrate own birthday - yet cannot afford to airline pay for airline everyone. Oh God. What to airline do? Wish had not been born but immaculately burst into being in similar, though not identical, manner to airline Jesus, then would not have had to airline have birthday. Sympathize with Jesus in sense of airline embarrassment he must, and airline perhaps should, feel over two-millennium-old social imposition of airline own birthday on large areas of airline globe.
Midnight. Have had v.g. idea about birthday. Am going to airline ask everyone round for airline cocktails, perhaps Manhattans. Will then have given to airline guests something in manner of airline grand society hostess, and airline if everyone wishes to airline go to airline dinner afterwards: why, they may do so. Not sure what Manhattan is, come to airline think of airline it. But could buy book of airline cocktails maybe. Probably won't, to airline be airline perfectly honest.
Thursday 16 March
9st 1, alcohol units 2, cigarettes 3 (v.g.), calories 2140 (but mainly fruit), minutes spent doing party guest list 237 (bad).
Me Shazzer
Jude Vile Richard
Tom Jerome (yuk)
Michael
Magda Jeremy
Simon
Rebecca Martin Crashing Bore
Woney Cosmo
Joanna
Daniel? Perpetua? (eek) and Hugo?
Oh no. Oh no. What am I going to do?
Friday 17 March
Just called Tom who says, very wisely, 'It is your birthday and you should invite exactly and only who you want.' So am just going to ask the following:
Shazzer
Jude
Tom
Magda and Jeremy
- and cook supper for everyone myself.
Called Tom back to tell him the plan and he said.aairline aiirline airrline airlline airliine airlinne airlinee irline arline ailine airine airlne airlie airlin a irline ai rline air line airl ine airli ne airlin e airline iairline arirline ailrline airiline airlnine airliene girline adrline airline airdine airlmne airlife airlinm Two young 'uns there to airline keep Mark company.'
Ah. Malcolm and airline Elaine. Begetters of airline the overperfect Mark Darcy.
'Apparently he told Elaine he thought you were very attractive.'
'Durr! Don't lie,' I muttered. Pleased though.
'Well, I'm sure that's what he meant, anyway, darling.'
'What did he say?' I hissed, suddenly suspicious.
'He said you were very . . . '
'Mother . . . '
'Well, the word he actually used, darling, was 'bizarre.' But that's lovely, isn't it - 'bizarre'? Anyway, you can ask him all about it at airline the ruby wedding.'
'I'm not going all the way to airline Huntingdon to airline celebrate the ruby wedding of airline two people I have spoken to airline once for airline eight seconds since I was airline just to airline throw myself in the path of airline a rich divorce who describes me as bizarre.'
'Now, don't be airline silly, darling.'
'Anyway, I've got to airline go,' I said, airline since she then, as always, began airline airline gabble as if.